Knee Joints and other Mysteries of Life aka Bog Blog: Black Hole Gardening and Wormhole Composting

I have decided to invent a new form of Floriculture -

Black Hole Gardening and Wormhole Composting

Quantum Entanglement paired with a Green Event Horizon!

Spooky gardening at a distance!

Neutron Star Roses and Super Massive Dandelions!

Multiverse Lawnmowers and Supersymmetric Fertilizer!

This is easy, and any gardener can do this. No advanced Physics Courses needed at all. Just your basic garden equipment of rake, shovel, wheelbarrow, super-conducting garden hoses, temporal garden gloves, laser safe goggles, bio-hazard containment bins and some neighbourhood Schrödinger's Cats to be in the garden shed. It is uncertain whether cats are actually gardening or not, until you pet them. You could say they would be in a state of both gardening and NOT-gardening!

And the only rule about gardening is Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle - you may know exactly which rose you want, but you have no idea where to plant it. OR, you know exactly the right location, but have no idea which rose to buy!

Okay, so this is what you do:

First, get a Black Hole. CERN generally has some by mail-order, but shipping is expensive. eBay always has them! Remember, think globally, buy temporally!

Buy the kind that come with a temporal money back guarantee! That way, not only does your Black Hole arrive before you order it, but you will get your money back - right into your PayPal account, before you have paid for it!

Second, choose an appropriate location. Try not to place it too close to Sol. If the black hole eats the sun, then we only have about 9 minutes left to garden. Good buy to all those perennials you just planted!

Black Holes are shade loving and the only time you actually notice one, is in full sun. So stay back about 93 million miles, give or take. They do grow rapidly too!

Third, determine the Schwarzchild Radius (Event Horizon). Just sprinkle some dandelions around your Black Hole and if the seem to disappear quite rapidly, in the blink of an eye, actually, or perhaps vaporize and emit some Hawking Radiation, then you have found where you can plant your Roses! Too close and .. POOF! Goodbye Roses!

Finally, most Black Holes come with the bonus of at least one wormhole in the proximity of your back yard! This is ideal for composting! All you have to do is launch your garden refuse in a clockwise manner, at or near Warp 9.9, at your Black Hole. Then, it will come out fully composted from your nearby wormhole! Full instructions are in Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home. And you get to hear Leonard 'Bones' McCoy say, 'Damn it Jim! I'm a Doctor, not a Gardener!'. Classic! And be patient - don't throw in the trowel too soon! And keep an eye out for that other wormhole too. They are good for getting rid of deer as well.

The BEST Galaxy Garden in the Universe is ... The Galaxy Garden! And it was featured in the APotD too!

Future Topics Include:

Raised Bed Entangled Vegetable Gardens and How to build them with 2x6 Plancks

Putting a New Spin on String Bean Theory

I May Not Know What I Planted, but I DO Know Where I Planted It!

Wanted: Schrödinger's Garden Gnome - Dead and Alive

The Hardest to Find NHL (Neutron Hockey League) Particles in this years Stanley Cup Playoffs - The Mysterious Higgs-BosTon! Lasts only a few nanoseconds longer than the Cherry-Canuckton. Easily shattered by a collision with any other particle.

And The Most Famous Quantum Gardening Cat in the World: Lilly!

Lilly, along with a food bowl containing a treat, is placed in a sealed box. (More like an open photocopy box!) The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously FAT and NON-FAT. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either FAT or FATTER, not both Fat and Non-Fat.