Quantum Carbonara
This is about as easy a recipe as you can get! Eating in
about 30 minutes, give or take! Basically it is scrambled eggs, fried ham/bacon and
pasta (Carbonara), with ground pepper and garlic thrown in!
INGREDIENTS
√ 1 egg per person. Once you hit 4 eggs, should be okay for
5 people. Not an egg-zact science.
√ Pasta – penne works
best, dry or fresh. I have used noodles before. Don’t use noodles.
Roughly as much as you think ‘X’ people can eat! Usually ¾ of a (dry) bag will
feed 2 adults and 2 reasonably hungry teenagers with some leftovers. Should fit
in one pot.
√ Garlic. Lots. Vampire Protection LOTS! Or whatever is considered normal for the
chef in charge! Garlic is a lifestyle, not a choice.
√ Freshly ground pepper. Needed throughout the sizzling of the
meat. Regular pepper will still do. But pepper grinders are FUN!
√ Olive oil to aid in sizzling the ham! Enough to coat the
bottom of a largish frying pan. The odd squirt throughout sometimes helps. Never hurts.
√ 2 bags o'sliced ham, preferably flavoured. I
like to mix Honey Ham and Black Forest ham – like, whatever! Each bag has about
8-9 slices. As much/little as
preferred. But not William Shatner quantity. James T. Kirk quality though.
TECHNOLOGY
√ Frying pan. Pretty good size one.
√ Pot to boil water/put carbonara in. Pretty good size one is always easier.
√ Cistern. (But not the Chapel!) To drain the pasta.
√ Whisker (not from a cat!) to froth the eggs! Bowl for the
eggs to be whisked in!
√ Garlic Press (as opposed to Permanent)
√ Largish glass measuring cup, to pour the 3 or 4 frothed
eggs into the pot, eventually.
√ Razor sharp Ginsu knives. Or, actually, regular ones. I just always wanted to include ‘Razor Sharp Ginsu
knives’ as a requirement in a recipe! Bucket List checkoff! |
| Lilly and her iPad |
MODE d’OPERATION
Basically, you are boiling the pasta, frying the ham, and
timing the two to be done at the same time. Ham takes about 15-20 minutes to
crisp, but not overcrisp. Bagged pasta usually takes about 12 minutes after the
water is boiling. So …..remember. This is not Rocket Science.....it's Chemistry!
• Slice up the ham into smaller sections. Not too small, as
they can overcrisp or burn. About 2” long x 1” wide. Whatever! Put a little bit of olive oil
to cover the bottom of the frying pan and dump all the ham in and start frying
on medium. It will eventually sizzle so a grease splash guard is optional. I
use a pot cover sometimes. The smaller sizes WILL fry quicker and burn first. Watch it! Just pull them out and feed them to the cat.
• Crack 3 or 4-ish eggs and put into a bowl and whisk them
frantically! I like to add a bit of water, and a bit of milk too. This is the scrambled
eggs part! Easy! Set aside. This can actually be done right at the end too. But cracking eggs is FUN!
• Crush some garlic and just keep in a little bowl to the
side. Yeah, right. Little bowl HA! HUGE BOWL!
• Start boiling the water, but on medium high, in a pot with
about 65% filled with water. Remember to leave room to add the pasta in, and
not overflow, nor boil over when filled with the pasta. It WILL expand too!
This is the toughest part!
• Once the ham is sizzling, you can start adding ground
pepper to flavour. Just a bit every so often. Constantly turn/stir the ham so
it does not burn. Basically, just fry up the ham! If some do crisp too quickly,
just … EAT THEM! Once you think the ham is about half-way done, about 8-10
minutes in, put the boiling water on high! When boiling, dump the pasta in to cook, normally. Then turn it down just a bit to make sure it does not boil over.
Sometimes you can add a bit more olive oil, to keep the ham from drying out too
much, or sticking to the frying pan. It is all in the timing now.
• Turn the heat down on the ham, a bit, and add some garlic,
about half of what you have smashed up and mix thoroughly. All in the timing
now.
• Now, just watch the ham so it does not burn by either
turning down the heat, or moving it to the side. Keep stirring it. No, don't go to Facebook! Keep stirring! When the
pasta is done, the ham should be done too. Add the rest of the garlic TO the
ham and mix it all up, with a bit more ground pepper! This gives a combination
of freshly ground pepper, fried garlic AND fresh garlic in the same mouthful!
Deeelish!
• Drain the pasta in the cistern, and then put back INTO the
pot, then back on the burner, which should be turned down to about low, to keep warm. Now,
put the perfectly fried ham INTO the pot and mix everything thoroughly! KEEP STIRRING so the pasta does
not burn/stick to the bottom of the pot.
• Now, pour the frothed eggs (you can swirl them a bit if
you want) into the glass measuring cup and slowly pour about ¼ of the contents
into the mix at a time! Only a bit goes in at a time, NOT all at once! Pour, stir. Pour, stir. Pour, stir.
• The heat from the burner, pasta and ham, will scramble the
eggs and coat everything! Just keep stirring the whole thing until you see the
eggs become scrambled! Then pour a similar amount of the eggs in again and
continue to stir until they are scrambled/coated again! Basically you are now
scrambling eggs, IN the mixture of hot pasta, fried bacon, fried and freshly
crushed garlic and freshly ground pepper! Pour, stir. Pour, stir until you are out of eggs. DONE!
• Just keep stirring until all the eggs are scrambled.
Sometimes you need to increase/decrease the burner heat to scramble all the
eggs, but not by much. Do not let sit, as the pasta will stick and burn to the bottom of the
pot. Just keep stirring the whole thing until done! This last step only takes
about 3-5 minutes to mix everything together, making sure the pasta does not
burn, and the eggs scramble! Easy!
Serve it up with some excellented (i.e. ‘great’ed) parmesan
cheese on top, maybe a salad on the side. Garlic bread optional. Roast some asparagus in rosemary oil, fry some mushrooms or whatever! The leftovers the next day taste good
cold or heated up!
ENJOY!
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No penguins and/or cats (or very few if anyone really IS counting.....single digits, tops!) were harmed in the making
of this recipe. Besides, they are tough!
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